


Set the Record Straight

by Kereea



Series: Perry the Evil-Adjacent Boyfriend [9]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Anxiety, Comedy, Drama, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 04:05:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17297432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kereea/pseuds/Kereea
Summary: They’ve been seeing each other for a little while, and Heinz’s low self esteem has a very big question: just what does Perry like about him anyway?Prequel-fic





	Set the Record Straight

 Normally, Heinz would be excited right now. Really, really he would. Dates were something he really liked now that he wasn’t dealing with crazy people who dumped him for whales or stabbed him with forks or— _he had a boyfriend now, okay_?

But that was the issue. He had a boyfriend _now_. And Heinz knew things didn’t always go well for him for long, so…yeah. He’d still gotten ready and everything, of course, but he was nervous.

 Leaving off the lab coat had been a hard decision—would Perry recognize him without it?—but eventually Heinz gave in and just wore a turtleneck. Some might think long sleeves in summer were a bit gauche, but he didn’t feel like showing off where his arms connected to the rest of him. So, long sleeves it was.

 He missed the lab coat’s easy pockets as he walked down the streets of downtown towards the park. He _really_ needed something to do with his hands as he dealt with all the anxiety of wondering what it was Perry liked about him, anyway.

 There were lots of obvious things to like about _Perry_. He was smart, he was funny, he was patient, he was really good looking, and lots of other easy things. There was the little stuff too, how he smirked when he figured out a problem, how he smiled whenever he got to go on about his kids, and how competitive he was when it came to silly things like soccer. To be fair on the last one, the guy _was_ a Brit. They all seemed to have that soccer thing.

 Heinz frowned at his reflection in the window. Yeah. Perry had him beat in the looks department by a long shot.

 Plus, Perry had already heard a _lot_ of backstories. Like, the lawn gnome. And the dresses. And the ocelots, the whales, the _birthdays_ …

  _Why_ had he decided to date someone who knew so much about him?

 Right, because it was Perry, and Perry was wonderful.

 Heinz kicked a pebble. Curse Perrin Fletcher for his wonderfulness.

 He turned into the park, looking around. Where had Perry said he’d be, again?

 He caught sight of Perry, talking with Candace. The boys were farther off, playing on the jungle gym.

 “So, just so we’re clear, me being in charge makes me the absolute overlord of them?” Candace asked.

 Perry folded his arms and gave his niece an unimpressed look.

 “Worth a shot!” Candace said, shrugging as she headed for her brothers. “Phineas, Ferb, no crazy stuff! I’m in charge!”

 “Absolute overlord?” Heinz asked, impressed by Candace’s ambition.

 Perry jumped, apparently not having realized Heinz was so close. He asked where Heinz had come from.

 “The sidewalk,” Heinz said. “So, the kids are just staying at the park?”

 Perry nodded, claiming a neighbor would be by to watch them soon since they’d be playing with friends for a bit.

 “Okay. Does the overlord thing come up a lot with her?” Heinz asked.

 Perry explained that Candace liked being in charge maybe a bit much, but that it really came out of wanting to keep her brothers safe.

 “Oh yeah, that makes sense,” Heinz said. “So…lunch, right? Have any place in mind?”

 Perry said he was okay to just go looking for somewhere if Heinz wasn’t too hungry yet.

 “Yeah, that sounds fun too! Just spending time together is great!” Heinz said. Great, more time to wonder things…or he could try asking. The TV said talking to your significant other was a good thing right? But how to broach the subject?

 “So…look, I don’t want to sound needy here or anything but, erm…what _do_ you like about me?” Heinz asked.

 Well, that had dropped like a lead balloon. _Dummkopf_.

 He tried not to get upset as Perry looked confused. “I…I mean you say you like me but…what _about_ me is it that you like?”

 Perry nodded, so maybe it had just been a miscommunication or something, and signed that he liked lots of things about Heinz.

 “…Can you be a teensy bit more specific? Okay, a lot more specific, I _am_ needy,” Heinz said.

 Perry cocked his head and asked if Heinz was okay.

 “No, I’m not okay, I’m waiting for you to answer a question and you’re beating around the bush!” Heinz said.

 Perry gave him an odd look before shrugging and signing that he liked Heinz’s monologues.

 “My _monologues_? Why would you like my monologues?”

 Perry replied that they were passionate and that he liked that, liked hearing Heinz’s thought process.

 “Sometimes you think my thought process is stupid. Like the whale-insultinator. You _totally_ let Agent T wreck that without lifting a finger, you know.”

 Perry shook his head, pointing out that what he liked was that he could understand the process, even if he didn’t agree with it. He liked how Heinz could be so open about things.

 “Yeah, which means you know all the _embarrassing_ stuff. Like the whole lawn gnome saga. Or Only Son.”

 Perry rubbed the bridge of his nose before signing that he liked knowing that Heinz trusted him to know that stuff.

 “Okay…kind of making it about you, but point to Perry,” Heinz said.

 Perry dryly saluted him.

 “Okay, but what about the _evil_?”

 Perry looked skyward before pointedly signing that he’d known Heinz was evil _before_ getting into a relationship with him.

 “Okay, but is it something you _like_?”

 Perry gave a small, slightly guilty nod.

 “…You like the evil? Really?”

 Perry corrected that he liked _Heinz’s_ brand of evil and wasn’t so on board with some of the other evil folks they’d encountered.

 “Yeah, no, no, don’t really care about them, but you like _my_ evil?” Heinz asked, looking gleeful.

 Perry admitted that he liked it when he thought it made enough sense, unlike the whale-insultinator.

 “You’re really never going to let me live that down.”

 Perry shot back that it was barely a scheme to start with, Heinz just made a translator to make his yelling at whales moderately more understandable. People yelled at animals all the time.

 “Oh come on! But, like…the other schemes? You…you like those?”

 Perry waggled his hand. Some.

 “Okay, but, what? What?”

 Perry rolled his eyes, signing that he’d always thought it was pretty obvious when he wasn’t on board, since he’d usually just sit back and let good vs. evil take its course unless the agent got too rough. Given Heinz’s klutziness, good usually had an advantage when he did that.

 “Well, yeah, you’ve definitely put more effort in for some than others…wait. You _liked_ me turning the Rutherford B. Hayes statue into bread?”

 Perry said it was a bad statue, not that he disliked Rutherford B. Hayes. They’d probably put up a better one in its place, anyway.

 “Okay, true, but what about making clones of myself to wait in lines for me?”

 Perry said waiting in lines was time-consuming, so, sure, Heinz could skip it if he wanted to.

 “What about messing with the dog show so that Chihuahua we borrowed from Phineas’ friend could win?”

 Perry said dog shows were full of celebrations of inbred deformities that actually hurt the dogs and so the participants could stand to be taken down a peg by a shelter adoptee.

 “Okay, you can’t have a specific reason for _all_ of them.”

 Perry shook his head, agreeing that he didn’t.

 “Okay, tell me about those!”

 Perry drew his finger in circles in the air for a little while, thinking. Finally, he replied that he sometimes liked the idea of getting even. That he’d had to deal with a lot of stress in the last few years of his life and he kind of liked someone else taking all their shitty past events and trying to serve comeuppance or create some measure of closure on their own terms.

 “You know, in villain circles we call that _revenge_.”

 Perry shook his head, explaining that it wasn’t that Heinz wanted revenge, it was that he actually took steps to right what he saw as an injustice done to him that Perry liked.

 “Oh. Yeah, that sounds less evil. Don’t tell the other evil scientists.”

 Perry chuckled silently, signing that it was their secret.

 “Well, good!”

 Perry added that he really loved how great Heinz was with the kids.

 “You, um, think I’m _great_ with them? Wow,” Heinz said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Way to make a guy blush there. I mean, they’re wonderful kids, it’d be hard not to get along with them but…great?”

 Perry nodded.

 “Wow,” Heinz said again. “I really like them too, for the record.”

 Perry smiled.

.o.o.o.

 Perry hoped that settled things—he liked Heinz, Heinz liked him, maybe now they could get lunch.

 “It, it’s just-”

 Or not.

 “-you are just like, _such_ a great boyfriend, like I can’t believe I got…lucky seems weird, it, it seems like we didn’t have anything to do with it, and we did, but-”

 Perry signed that he felt lucky to have met Heinz.

 “Oh! Okay! That works too!” Heinz said quickly.

 Perry asked if Heinz maybe needed a breather. He seemed kind of worked up.

 “Sorry. Sorry, you know, I, I get worked up sometimes and I know this isn’t really a good time-”

 Perry asked if Heinz was worried Perry would break up with him or something.

 “No! No, no—maybe,” Heinz said.

 Perry calmly reminded Heinz that _Perry liked him too_.

 “Yeah, yeah, I know, and I even made you list _why_ ,” Heinz said. “…I mean, it’s just, I’m kind of an… _acquired taste_ while you’re just kind of perfect and could date like, anyone, so-”

 Perry was stunned before giving Heinz an annoyed shake and emphatically signing that he _couldn’t talk_.

 “Oh…oh yeah,” Heinz said, apparently having forgotten despite Perry signing at him for the entire conversation.

 Perry groaned, putting his face in his hands.

 “I, uh…that’s made dating…hard, huh?”

 Perry gave Heinz a dirty look.

 “ _Whoops_. Sorry. Just…you seem so amazing, I’m kind of surprised tons of people aren’t into you.”

 Perry shrugged. His love life had never been anything to write home about, and it had never really bothered him. Heinz had been the first person he’d been serious about since college, easily.

 He smirked and signed that those _tons of people_ would have to get over it, because he was with someone right now.

 “Oh no, I found the smug button, didn’t I?” Heinz laughed, putting his head in his hands.

 Perry elbowed him to get him to look up again, before signing that he was glad to know Heinz thought he was just _so_ attractive _._

 “Is this funny to you? Is it?” Heinz asked, laughing.

 Perry signed that _Heinz thought he was good looking_.

 “What, do you not own _mirrors_ now?” Heinz demanded in faux-offense.

 Perry leaned into Heinz’s personal space with a grin.

 “Hey, don’t think I don’t know what you’re—mmph!” Heinz tried not to laugh as Perry tugged him down and kissed him. “You _tease_!”

 Perry just laughed and hugged Heinz. That was what had Heinz so nervous? Wondering why Perry wanted to be with him?

 He…guessed he could see that, what with Heinz’s many, many backstories involving one sort of rejection or another. He let Heinz know that Heinz really didn’t have to worry so much; Perry, really, really liked him.

 “Oh! I…I’m glad you’re my boyfriend, too,” Heinz admitted, blushing. “We just go together, you know?”

 Perry nodded. Heinz was easily one of the best things to happen to him. He asked if they could go together to _lunch_ , since he was starting to get pretty hungry.

 “Oh, I know, how long have we been out here without finding anything? What happened to all the decent places, the little walk-ins—okay, so, we’ve been paying very little attention, so maybe it was us…”

 Perry looked around for somewhere that looked half decent, took Heinz by the arm, and just started walking there.

 “So, I guess I kind of took up a lot of our date, but really. I think it’s important to, to have discussions sometimes and _sure_ , we could have had it over food but then there might have been people _watching-_ ”

 Perry signaled a table for two to the confused looking hostess.

 “I mean, is it really a thing for public—what, what do you mean _sit down_?” Heinz asked. “Oh, we’re at a table now. Oh.”

 Perry grinned as he sat opposite of Heinz. He said if Heinz was worried about time, he could always text Baljeet’s parents and let them know he’d be late.

 “Oh. Whew. That’s good. Didn’t want you to feel rushed,” Heinz said, grinning back.

 Perry said it was fine and they ordered their drinks. The menu looked pretty good, with some fish fresh from Danville Harbor.

 “So, how was your morning off? I mostly just caught up on my soaps and did some housework,” Heinz said.

 Perry said he’d had fun with an after-breakfast board game with the kids.

  “Aw, that sounds nice. Which game?” Heinz asked.

 “Here, our complimentary shellfish platter,” the waitress said, setting it down.

 Heinz’s eyes became the size of dinner plates, “ _Ah, get away get away GET AWAY!”_

He ran out of the restaurant, ran back in, grabbed Perry, and ran out again. Perry quickly threw what he hoped was enough money to cover the drinks before Heinz pulled him out the door.

 Heinz paused about a block away, “Uh, did I mention I have a…mild phobia of shellfish?”

 Perry replied that no, no he had not.

 “Oops,” Heinz said. “…Want to just pick your kids up early and get burgers with them?”

 Perry nodded, wrapping an arm around Heinz’s waist. At least things would never be boring in this relationship.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't NOT use Heinz's phobia of shellfish. I couldn't. 
> 
> Yeah, this is still early in the relationship, probably during the first summer. So Heinz is still kind of insecure. And Perry is like "you're a genius sorta-evil scientist who does interesting stuff all the time, and apparently that is my type!"
> 
> They got burgers with the kids and had a nice time.


End file.
